That jammy ******* got a free upgrade!

Do you know how many times I have made that god forsaken long haul flight to the U.K and back???


And so far, I have always had both kids in tow WITHOUT THE HUSBAND, and been stuck up in farty smelling cattle class and been armed with bags upon bags on top of bags of luggage.

You may find this strange, but seriously, I speak the truth.

Yep, you could say that I shouldn’t complain, and that I could have paid (the extra $2000 EACH) to be upgraded, but the whole reason that I have been able to make the trip eleven times is because I didn’t!

And NEVER has my husband bared the burden with me,  Nor have I been upgraded.





The ONLY time I was given this luxury of turning left instead of right on an airplane and being offered a  ‘steerage class are boarding’ glass of champagne, was on my very first flight to Australia.

sydney nov 8 - jan 22nd 08 001 copy This photograph was taken 30 seconds after boarding the plane, and was the last smile I gave for at least the next 48 hours.

Mick had just signed for Sydney FC the previous week, and had been flown out in posh class with only his suitcase and his protecting his freckles to worry about.

Yes, I was incredibly grateful for the expensive seats, but also on the other hand, had two babies that had turned one a few weeks earlier and all the paraphernalia that goes with them to cater for the 36hr flight. I had to pay for my brother to fly out with us just so that I could have another pair of hands to get us on and off the plane.

sydney nov 8 - jan 22nd 08 002 copy

Well, I doubt very much that the poor lad will ever bore children in the future, because those 36 hours were quite possibly the worst of his, or my life. PERIOD.

Poor little Simon, had never really been round children before. I know that sounds weird, given that he is uncle to my kids, but that was more of a quick baby cuddle and see you later type of bond.  This is how little he knew of babies.

1. He wore jeans

2. He didn’t bring spare clothes for the 36 hour journey.

3. He didn’t know that one year old twins don’t tend to sleep much.

4. He couldn’t get off the aeroplane.

Looking back on it all now, it seemed bloody hilarious. But SERIOUSLY at the time, it was total torture.

This is Simon usually………..269494_10151116223663946_829691988_n

This was him midway the second flight from Dubai!

 sydney nov 8 - jan 22nd 08 006 copy

Business class is not designed for twins babies, nor vomit, nor shite. And We had all three. Lots of 2, and even more of 3.

Infact, Simon’s jeans were coated in puke within 3 hours of take off. And because I felt guilty about all the other passengers that had paid small fortunes to purchase their posh seats, I stayed awake the entire time walking back down into economy class carrying the awake and usually screaming child (there was ALWAYS one.)

When we landed at Dubai airport (only a 6 hour flight from our departure) we had gone through the 3 changes of baby clothing I had carried, and still had a 12 hour airport wait, and a 15 hour flight to go.

Our time in Dubai was torturous! How on earth someone had the time to steal Si’s brand new phone I will never know, because we spent most of those 12 hours tag teaming in the toilets, washing various items of baby clothing, and drying them with a hair dryer that cut out of power every 60 seconds.

By the time we finally landed in Sydney airport, and cried on a ladies shoulder to help us (I honestly did this! ……we physically couldn’t push two trolleys packed with baby seats, luggage, vomit coated hand luggage…AND the double pram)  We finally saw the bright and cheerful husband waiting with open arms on the other side of the departure gate………..all I could muster was NEVER AGAIN!!!!!!

sydney nov 8 - jan 22nd 08 027 copy

Needless to say, Uncle Simon, is still without kids, and neither has he flown back to Oz!


Leave a Reply